Did I wake up in a 19th century circus? No, I couldn’t have; I just drank Diet Dr. Pepper. The PATH train jostled me enough to splash soda on my face, so I tore through my bag for a tissue and patted my upper lip. I suppose I could have left dried soda under my nose but why cause a scene.
I was traveling into Manhattan to pick up my taxes. My accountant Ron is a great guy, has a little bit of psychic ability, quirky taste in paintings, and most of his clients are artists. He does good work.
Roger the blonde terrier is the office mascot. He barks at the fax machine and wags his little tail at each client who walks in. Roger and I sat next to each other on the couch; I think he made a couple of bad smells. It wasn’t me.
Ron’s wife Jean works with him. The door opened and Roger started wagging his tail. Jean said, “Hi, Jennifer!” to a client who came in. “Hi!” said Jennifer, who stood about 5’5″ and from the back seemed to have shoulder length hair. I thought, “Hmm, must be a stiff breeze outside. She looks pretty windblown.”
No, no, not windblown.
Jennifer sat on the couch. Jennifer sported a full beard and mustache. It was neatly trimmed.
Might she have been performing in a hilarious play? She just needed a relaxing afternoon with her accountant, a break from all the comedy? Why wasn’t there any beard glue on her face?
I saw no evidence of testosterone use. Jennifer had a feminine voice and a slim lady-body. I refused to look long enough to check for boobs, but she wasn’t a jacked out, puffed up semi-guy.
I had to use the restroom and got up. Jean shot me a look, presumably a look meant to stomp out any possibly prejudicial, insensitive thing I was about to say or do. I really just needed the bathroom.
After my tax meeting, I thanked my accountant and he wished me luck in my freelance writing career. I neglected to tell him I like comedic work.
Did I mention his name is Ronald MacDonald? Yes, that’s real too. It couldn’t get any realer.
UPDATE: After I published this post, I performed the following search online: Jennifer, bearded, lady and NYC. And here she is on Wikipedia. ‘Kay? ‘Kay.