World’s ‘greatest’ unproduced movies

The Young Assholians – Western satire, possibly a little angry

Unsympathetic Hairdos – shoestring documentary about hairdo profiling; intersection of class and race politics as seen from atop your head

Blowhard Diehard – Thanksgiving with the in-laws (and the wild car chase it inspires) finally gets the hyperkinetic cinematic treatment it deserves – 1980s-flavored actioner.

Kittens on Parade – 1930s-style synchronized swimming musical… all singing, all dancing, all bathtub, all kitten!

La Piscina d’Eduardo Bohorquez – a raven-haired Latin American guy in a suit keeps popping up in your pool… at 3 am… with a message.  That message is not about the illegal immigration happening via your pool, which is a trans-dimensional portal to the Other Americas, no.  Think more shampoo, conditioner.

Litigation Row – the inner workings of a white collar criminal defense law firm populated by chubby, tight-skirted secretaries and the married litigators who love them – a tragedy in 8 acts, screened over 2 days.

The Executor – wacky Saturday morning kids’ cartoon. An insurance salesman must suddenly administer a trust for an elderly family member, and regrettably has to go to the bank in person instead of conducting any online transactions.

Luscious Vicious – shadow profile of a female comedy writer who sends anonymous complaint letters to entertainment industry gatekeepers about their miserable track record of hiring funny women, who do exist by the way, WTF

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