Tired of representing yourself accurately in a clean,
Then tart up your Faux Bio à la Bustier!
Let me create for you a 100% phony bio, filled with the crumbs of an unlived life or the seedlings of a possible future.
IN REAL LIFE, you’re a caring, well-adjusted veterinarian who sports a tidy ponytail and small pearl earrings.
BUT IN A CUSTOM FAUX BIO, you’re the town hussy, dragging on slim lady cigarettes, wearing capris and flinging martinis at anyone not quite handsome enough. Or –
IN REAL LIFE, you sell travel insurance, enjoy a Disneyland vacation with the kids and endure dinner after halibut dinner with your wife’s parents.
BUT IN A CUSTOM FAUX BIO, you wear nine silver & turquoise rings, an iridescent feather necklace and ride a Harley to your job as the world’s sexiest, most leather pants-wearing talent agent.
Here’s a more level-headed before & after sample:
BEFORE: ‘Professional’ Bio
Escuelita Hernandez is a Certified Healthy Living Expert, Coach and Motivational Speaker trained at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition (IIN) in NYC and founder of Slender Path Wellness. She works with dynamic women who want to lose weight, manage stress, eliminate sugar addictions and lead overall happier and more balanced lifestyles. Escuelita recently completed Tony Robbins’ Mastery University Curriculum and has studied under various personal development teachers in the fields of life, money and relationships mastery including Barbara deAngelis, T. Harv Eker and Alison Armstrong.
AFTER: Faux Bio courtesy of Bustier
Escuelita Hernandez lives in the Guangdong province of China and rides her bike an hour and a half – each way – to get to her factory job in Shenzhen.
Escuelita keeps her pigtails cocked at the 10 and 2 o’clock positions atop her head, wears light orange lipstick and maintains a bare midriff as part of her signature style.
Every sleeve and pant cuff in her wardrobe is 3 inches too short by choice and she wears sandals year-round. Her only adjustment during the winter is to wear socks.
She puts a white lab coat on over her clothes as soon as she gets to work, where she pours plastic into a mold to create the “on” button for millions of Kindles.
She has pets, mostly the moths and insects that try to break into her house through the screen door.
Her main diet includes various protein powders mixed with water. Her favorite flavor is dark pink because it tastes like a Beijing sunset. Her favorite painter is Yue Minjun because he only does self-portraits while looking really happy.
Her best friend is Qiang. He works across the road at the Nook factory assembling “off” buttons. They swap protein drinks every day while seated on a bench outside during their 7 minute lunch break.
Escuelita enjoys sleeping, digs breathing and gazes at copies of Italian Vogue that her cousin manages to smuggle in to the factory.