My show opens Sept. 9th!

Oh, hello!

This is happening. Join us: TAOA_Poster_HiRes01BREVISED

Voila the New Performance Website

Click the pic, or visit jdelibes.com

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Always Look on the Bright Side of Dad

I’m thrilled that USA Today published a short essay I wrote about how my Dad and I communicated through our mutual love of absurd comedy!

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La Musique

Dear Sound Editing,

I’ve missed you! Back in the days when I was cutting actual film and mag stock, working as an assistant editor, I’d grab as much sound to edit as I could.  It didn’t matter that I spent my days wearing giant, unsexy cans on my head. If you don’t know what cans are, you probably never got to touch actual film stock either. I wore white gloves at work. You don’t know what that means either, do you. You poor, miserable digital bastard. ♥  Just kidding.Mag-Stock-Small-300x223

I even liked cutting dialogue, post-production’s ugly stepsister, because I could smooth out and fix one little thing in a big world of Rong.

My editor and I just spent Sunday locking picture on two of my short films. (For updates,
https://www.facebook.com/SpeedofVirginia.) I’d gone on a hunting trip for all the music a few days before.

I cannot express the joy of auditioning a piece of music against the picture and finding that each emotional moment syncs with the on-screen story, adjusting the right placement and levels and then, voila. I love me some music editing, and I got to cut again, ahhhhh…

L’Interview

Click this photo for the interview!

Click this photo for the interview!

This is my interview with Hangzhou, China-based podcaster and entrepreneur, Rueben Marley. We talked about what sparks creativity, the comedy scene in China and my film, Slow Down to the Speed of Virginia. Click the photo!

We suspected a local bureaucrat of giggling while plugging and unplugging my Skype connection, causing adorable drop-outs. Good interview though!  Rueben’s awesome; you can find him on LinkedIn when he’s not recording God-like voice overs in English, Spanish or Mandarin.

Get yer red hot, teeny, tiny, itty bittay stories

Espresso Fiction

Espresso Fiction was named Award-Winning Finalist in the ‘E-book: General Fiction’ category of The 2012 USA Best Book Awards, sponsored by USA Book News.

Because the book is out of print, here’s a reprint of my flash fiction story from Espresso Fiction.

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by Jacqueline Delibes

US HIGHWAY 46, NEW JERSEY-Seth Grantberg has staged a defiant occupation of the garage attached to his mother’s home in Parsippany, New Jersey. A self-described “former Partner at commodities and derivatives brokerage house MF Global,” Mr. Grantberg, 42, readily agreed to an interview. MF Global, until recently headed by ex-New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine, is currently under federal investigation for hundreds of millions of dollars in missing money.

Mr. Grantberg, wearing a European-cut suit and vibrant power tie, appeared exhausted as he lay on a cot in the unheated garage. He noted that his current diet includes root vegetables, a jar of Nescafé and rain water. The former broker clutched a Cipriani Wall Street lunch menu to his chest.

An inquiry about why he remains in his mother’s garage and the whereabouts of his wife, friends, and home yielded a glacial silence. After several minutes, Mr. Grantberg acknowledged, “They’re gone.”

In an attempt to use the bathroom, Mr. Grantberg repeatedly banged on the door separating the garage and main house, a door apparently bolted from the inside by his mother Carolina Grantberg, 63. From the kitchen, a muffled female voice answered, “You want to use the amenities? Pay us back for your education. Thank us for decades of sacrifice. Or clean the bathroom for once since 2008, how’s that?”

“Excuse me for a moment,” Mr. Grantberg said as he raised the garage door and squatted behind the hedge. Moments later he returned, zipping his trousers. “A little customer money gets diverted and now I’ve been cut off,” he said, and then yelled towards the kitchen, “I’m pissed.”

Asked to define what he’s demonstrating against and what his specific demands are, Mr. Grantberg pointed to a protest sign painted with the words “A Return to Flowing, Beautiful Excess!” In the driveway, he marched alone in a circle for hours to wave the sign at passing vehicles.

“Let me back in-I’m proud to be part of the 1%,” he shouted at a stray dog.

Incredibly, Mr. Grantberg claimed to be completely unaware of the Occupy Wall Street movement that has captured worldwide media attention. “Really?” He looked away and fanned himself with a pile of stock certificates. “I hope they get what they ‘deserve.'”

“Are you interested in futures by any chance?” said Mr. Grantberg, looking refreshed by the question.

“The future?” asked the reporter for clarification.

“Not the future. Futures.”

Carolina Grantberg answered a reporter’s knock at the main entrance. The living room was decorated with stylish mid-century furniture accented by cheerful family photos.

“Did Seth convince you he was a Partner at MF Global?” asked Mrs. Grantberg. “He was fired from a secretarial job at a dojo in 2008.”

She added, “He’ll join us for dinner, like he does every night. Tonight it’s roast chicken, glazed carrots. Pudding.”

“Seth is in a time-out at the moment. Of course he uses the bathroom.” Mrs. Grantberg shouted towards the garage door, “But not when he’s been so disrespectful.”

Mr. Grantberg vigorously denied each of his mother’s allegations of misconduct. “We acted perfectly within SEC regulations. That’s all I’m permitted to say because of the investigation.” He lit a cigar. “Caveat emptor.”

—-

UPDATE: As of December 31, 2012, Espresso Fiction will be but a wisp of the imagination.  It is going out of e-print for several complicated reasons to do with the publishers.  Should you choose to peer at my Kindle, where my copy lives, I will be happy to prove the book’s existence at any given moment.

Just got published in a fantastic collection called Espresso Fiction: A Collection of Flash Fiction for the Average Joe – the Kindle edition is on Amazon here!  Ta-DA!

And… support small publishers por favor.  If your device uses: epub, PDF, MOBI (MOBI is compatible w/ Kindle, just use a USB cable if you have the Kindle Fire!) & other electronic formats, pick up your copy directly from Fiction Brigade, here! 

World’s ‘greatest’ unproduced movies

The Young Assholians – Western satire, possibly a little angry

Unsympathetic Hairdos – shoestring documentary about hairdo profiling; intersection of class and race politics as seen from atop your head

Blowhard Diehard – Thanksgiving with the in-laws (and the wild car chase it inspires) finally gets the hyperkinetic cinematic treatment it deserves – 1980s-flavored actioner.

Kittens on Parade – 1930s-style synchronized swimming musical… all singing, all dancing, all bathtub, all kitten!

La Piscina d’Eduardo Bohorquez – a raven-haired Latin American guy in a suit keeps popping up in your pool… at 3 am… with a message.  That message is not about the illegal immigration happening via your pool, which is a trans-dimensional portal to the Other Americas, no.  Think more shampoo, conditioner.

Litigation Row – the inner workings of a white collar criminal defense law firm populated by chubby, tight-skirted secretaries and the married litigators who love them – a tragedy in 8 acts, screened over 2 days.

The Executor – wacky Saturday morning kids’ cartoon. An insurance salesman must suddenly administer a trust for an elderly family member, and regrettably has to go to the bank in person instead of conducting any online transactions.

Luscious Vicious – shadow profile of a female comedy writer who sends anonymous complaint letters to entertainment industry gatekeepers about their miserable track record of hiring funny women, who do exist by the way, WTF